13 Assassins - And 200 Bad Guys

I've decided that from now on, I'm not going to justify my movie choices to readers – rest be assured that if it’s in this blog, it contains some level of horrific material. This is my final justification: 13 Assassins is horror in a more traditional sense – it’s directed by the Japanese veteran of some seriously disturbing wares – Takashi Miike, with some absolutely gut-wrenching moments, though not many intentional jumps. This is epic. This is bloodsport. This is brilliant.

Shinzaemon is a committed samurai in mid-19th century Japan. While Lord Naritsugu, the cruel brother of the current Shogun, seemingly kills and rapes at will, the tipping point comes when a wronged samurai commits seppuku as a form of protest against him. Shinzaemon accepts a fateful mission from Sir Doi, concerned that Naritsugu will one day inherit a higher position – he must put an end to Naritsugu’s life. Banding together an unlikely collection of 11 other samurai (including his frivolous nephew) their goal is simple – kill Naritsugu. But when the evil Lord’s right hand man Hanbei gets wind of the plot, he lets his master know, and his security force is naturally beefed up. Now our band of brothers are going to have to go out of their way and way out of left field to pull this off. When the final battle commences, it’s 13 versus 200 in a village that they've rigged to become the ultimate death trap. Let the mass assassination begin…

The Japanese cast are all excellent – they bring incredible severity and gravitas to their roles as necessary, but they’re also fearless when it comes to laughing in the face of death. Kōji Yakusho stands out as Shinzaemon with his gritty determination, and Gorō Inagaki practically transcends evil in his incendiary role as Naritsugu. Yūsuke Iseya also gets a mention for his wonderfully humourous portrayal of a hunter who becomes our 13th assassin. But it’s probably Miike himself who runs away with this movie – his take on the traditional, semi-historical samurai epic. The fights are gloriously choreographed, embracing yet paradoxically shunning excess in all the right ways as wave after wave of enemies are ruthlessly dispatched by katanas with almost ballet-like grace. But these are not the Michael Bay carnage you may expect – instead we get movement that can be logically followed around the village hosting the final showdown, and a story to follow throughout the battle concerning characters we have become invested in. Sure, there’s some CGI there (flaming bulls anyone?), but it’s largely tastefully incorporated, and the stunts are immaculately performed.  The final good word must be extended to the production design and costuming, who kit out a small army of samurai and a larger army of soldiers with great looking gear, and create a convincing village absolutely laden with jaw-dropping trap moments.

13 Assassins is blockbusting entertainment at its finest (if you don't mind subtitles). It may take a few minutes to kick into gear, but we have characters to cheer for and cry with, a villain so heinous that the audience simply cannot be indifferent to his fate, action that entertains both emotionally and technically, and frequent nods to the genre pieces that so lovingly inspired it. I had a blast with 13 Assassins, and I can highly recommend finding a copy somewhere - 9 out of 10 blood-drenched blades.