Inside - Yukky

This provides a very strong argument for never liking French people. Add to the fact that they made this movie that they also wear berets and no one knows how many French soldiers it would take to defend Paris because it's never been tried, and you have yourself quite a despicable race of continental Europeans. But this is not because the film is a bad one. It's because it's just so damn icky... But more on the gore later - the official cover below should give you some ideas as to what I'm talking about.

Ever wanted to see the inside of a human lady? Well here's your chance! When expectant mother Sarah (Alysson Paradis) loses her hubby in a vehicular mishap, she is understandably shaken and kinda depressed. She retreats into her photography, and then the night comes around when she's due to be induced the next morning. She's lounging round the house when all of a sudden, a mysterious woman (Beatrice Dalle) starts creeping around the place, asking to be let in then being very spooky outside when her unreasonable request is denied. Sarah calls the cops, they come, case the joint for perps and finding none, they send her to bed. But then the woman appears inside, and it turns out she wants the unborn child, and she wants it badly. Armed with what are probably quite unhygienic scissors, the motherly psycho sets about getting what she thinks is hers in a very direct manner. More visitors arrive at varying points to complicate matters, and it gets very complicated. Very much complicated indeed sir.

Oh, the gore. The gore! Wowsers. It's plentiful and it looks damn real. Here's a list of things that occur, in roughly chronological order just to give you an idea (AVOID THIS LIST PERHAPS IF SPOILERS AREN'T YOUR THING):
- a dame has her face slashed and her belly button pierced (and not in an aesthetic way)
- another dame has her jugular punctured and bleeds like a school bubbler
- some bird has her hand fixed to the wall with the aforementioned scissors
- a dude misplaces half his face when hit with speeding lead
- a cop gets shot in the face with a riot gun at point blank range
- yet another lass has her head set on fire
- a self-administered tracheotomy goes down
- a vindictive blow to the preggers belly and an ensuing scarlet rainfall
- an impromptu Caesarean is performed -  very, very graphically
Whoever worked on the special effects in regards to the gore is a seriously gifted/twisted individual. I offer them two pieces of advice - go to Hollywood, because there are accolades awaiting your collection, and go to an institution, because you require serious help. But I'll get back to the gore.

This is a film that can very much be divided into distinct pieces. There's the initial build up of terror and fear, which is pitch black in tone. Then, once the first blood is drawn (excluding the opening accident), there's the devolution into a vicious torture porn with no pity and more intelligence than your regular slasher. The first half is phenomenal in its pacing. The fear just creeps up on you, much like a guy creeps up on his prey after a night out and he's appropriately administered some Rohypnol. There's one brilliant shot where there is literally just a shadow behind our leading lady, and I'm still unsure whether there was anything in it, but it was just so simple and tense that it was burnt into my memory of the film. The figure at the window is a moment constructed perfectly - the blinding flashes develop an afterglow leaving you unable to see out of the window and the paranoia intensifies - has the figure moved? are they about to bust in? do I actually want them to have moved because it's probably less creepy than just standing there? The clicking of the lens punctuates the scene beautifully, and the development of the photos produced in her dark room is a gloomy noir reveal that revels in the gloriously lit cupboard setting.

Then comes the second part. Which is just messy, in so many damn ways. The gore is exquisite. It looks insanely believable, and while it is very much over the top, there's something about it that is weirdly understated in that it's not the whole story - it's just a very convincing supporting character. In this section, Inside boasts a superb soundscape - it's eerie and metallic and grating in equal measure, and in one moment where the editing takes a crash-course in choppy smash cuts to imitate dazing there's this background sound that sounds like someone sharpening a blade with steel wool (perhaps whilst on crystal meth), and it's just fabulously unsettling. The development of the characters in this section is palpable and nicely qualified to justify their actions. In this sense, the cast is uniformly fine, and despite my watching a copy dubbed into English which removes something of the appreciation of their performances, I felt justifiably protective of Sarah and her foetus even though she acts like a bit of a prick to everyone following the accident. This second half ends with a nod back to the dark soul of the first half, and with no hope left at the end (this appears to be a noteworthy trend in horror films), there is definitely a sense of closure merely in the sense that a cycle has been completed. Trust me - no other sense of closure is even hinted at.

Considering the thematic elements of motherhood and femininity (in a round about way), it's quasi-appropriate that we have our very first female contributor - Susan - offering her individual take (and no jest, her catch phrase when watching this film  which also inspired this review's title was uttered no less than two dozen times - and that's a conservative estimate).

Susan's contribution:
YUCKY. Susan out.

While a critic from BloodyDisgusting.com labelled it 'one of the scariest movies I have ever seen in my life', it ultimately isn't that scary. It's creepier than attending any nightspot on an evening of the week widely acknowledged as MILF night, and the gore is better than winning two free Mars Bars in a row in their current '1 in 6 wins' promotion, but the atmosphere dissipates in the film's course. I have opted to graciously grant Inside 5 metres out of a male human's average small intestine length (apparently about 6.9 metres, though I've never seen one myself). There are rumours of a remake of this film, and while I am hesitant when it comes to violating creativity, I am hopeful as there is much many directors can hope to emulate here.

'Eck out the trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGeV7ejT74Y